A Mind Full of Nothing and Everything 

I spent most of today dealing with anxiety. I was where I needed to be in body but in mind I was somewhere else. I wasn’t day dreaming and off in a far away paradise. I was no where but an empty place. I felt a lot of nothing and when I did feel, it was sad.

Throughout the day I had two different thought processes running through my mind. I have a job that I need to do but I couldn’t focus. Reminding myself to breathe, feeling tightness in my stomach, irritated by the noise around me, and trying to pretend that I was feeling normal has made me exhausted. I was exhausted the moment I opened my eyes this morning and realized today would be hard. 

I listened to My Church by Maren Morris on repeat countless times during the day. It was the only thing that made me feel any different.  I lip-synced along with the lyrics and imagined singing really loudly. I felt like yelling, needing to be loud, and needing to move. Instead, I sat all day long with my thoughts swirling around like a hurricane. I can’t move anywhere now and my head rests on the back of the couch. 

I am spiritual but grounded in science and evidence. Even though I don’t identify with any one religion or set of beliefs, I really enjoy a lot of country music that talks about god and jesus. The music is comforting and I change the meaning of god and jesus into what works for me.

I’ve cussed on a Sunday
I’ve cheated and I’ve lied
I’ve fallen down from grace
A few too many times
But I find holy redemption
When I put this car in drive
Roll the windows down and turn up the dial

Can I get a hallelujah
Can I get an amen
Feels like the Holy Ghost running through ya
When I play the highway FM
I find my soul revival
Singing every single verse
Yeah I guess that’s my church

When Hank brings the sermon
And Cash leads the choir
It gets my cold cold heart burning
Hotter than a ring of fire
When this wonderful world gets heavy
And I need to find my escape
I just keep the wheels rolling, radio scrolling
‘Til my sins wash away

Can I get a hallelujah
Can I get an amen
Feels like the Holy Ghost running through ya
When I play the highway FM
I find my soul revival
Singing every single verse
Yeah I guess that’s my church

Can I get a hallelujah
Can I get an amen
Feels like the Holy Ghost running through ya
When I play the highway FM
I find my soul revival
Singing every single verse
Yeah I guess that’s my church

Can I get a hallelujah
Can I get an amen
Feels like the Holy Ghost running through ya
When I play the highway FM
I find my soul revival
Singing every single verse
Yeah I guess that’s my church
Yeah I guess that’s my church
Yeah I guess that’s my church

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